Love Pentagon
by Incogneat-o
Summary: Sometimes being the only female character on the show has its disadvantages.....CoWritten by One-Headed Boy
1. Incest R Us

1**CHAPTER 1: Incest R Us**

It started out as a regular day for Gwen as usual. Ben had just finished beating up yet another alien in yet another city they drove through. It was the afternoon now, and Gwen was alone with Grampa Max in the RV because Ben went out to check if everything was really okay. Gwen was on her laptop, writing in her online diary. "Dear Diary," she wrote.

_Today was an ordinary day. Well, ordinary for us at least. Ben beat up yet another alien in yet another city we drove through. It's the afternoon now, and I'm all alone with Grampa Max in the RV because Ben went out to be an idiot as always. I hope he chokes on a peanut._

Gwen giggled, thinking she was being smartly witty by adding the peanut part. She decided to go into Grampa's room to check on him. When she opened the door she found Grampa sitting on the end of his bed with his head in his hands.

"Grampa?" Gwen called.

"Oh, Gwen. Come in," he responded tiredly.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Actually, I have to tell you something." Gwen sat next to Grampa and looked up at his face expectantly. "Well, Gwen, I have to tell you something."

"You already said that," she complained. "What do you have to tell me?"

"I can't keep it a secret anymore," Grampa sighed. "Gwen, I love you."

"You ARE my Grampa," she pointed out.

"I mean, I really, really love you."

Gwen blushed crimson and a million thoughts ran through her head. _'Grampa loves me? More than a Grampa should? Ohmigod, I have to tell Ben. No, I can't tell Ben, he'll be weirded out. More than I am. What are we having for dinner? I hope it's not chicken again. Oh god, oh god, this is so messed up. I am so screwed. Maybe I should just run away now. Oh wait, I'm a klutz. I'll probably just fall down right when I get up. Ok, ok. Just look at him like you're totally oblivious to what he just said.'_

"WHAT THE FUCK?" she screamed.

"I knew you'd be weirded out," Grampa sighed.

"Weirded out? Grampa, I'm so freaking grossed out it's not even funny even if I screamed WHAT THE FUCK again!" She was breathless, it seemed like she was hyperventilating. But then she noticed something about Grampa she never thought she would notice about him. She saw him for the kind, gentle man he's always been. He's helped out Gwen and Ben countless times, he was her hero. He always comforted her when she was afraid, escpecially when Ben went to fight dangerous aliens. She gazed up into Grampa's eyes with a new expression: Lust.

Grampa saw the change in her behavior and smiled. He brushed his hand through her hair. He couldn't help himself. He leaned in toward Gwen just as she started leaning in toward him. Suddenly, the door flew open and Ben stomped in.

"Oh man! That was so much fun! You guys should check out the arcade--" he stopped dead in the doorway. He stared at Gwen and Grampa in shock. "Um..wh-what are you guys doing?"

"Ben, just wait a second. I can explain," Grampa pleaded.

"Explain what?" yelled Ben. He turned around and headed toward the front door of the RV. Grampa started to get up to follow him, but Gwen held him back.

"No," she said. "He's my cousin, I should go talk to him."

Grampa nodded and let her go. Gwen stood up and fell down. She got up again and ran toward Ben. She caught him just before he turned on the corner of the street.

"Ben! Wait up!" she called. Ben hunched his shoulders and didn't stop walking.

"Wait up for what? To watch you and Grampa make out?" he scowled.

"Look, Ben, I know it was probably totally weird for you to witness that, but it was totally weird for me too. It was stupid."

"You're right!" he yelled, twirling around. "It WAS stupid. Just like you!"

"Ben.." she started, but Ben cut her off.

"How can you be so blind, Gwen?" he asked. Gwen thought she saw a teardrop forming in the corner of his eye.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Gwen, no matter how many times I've made fun of you or called you names...I've always loved you. I love how you're always right, and I love how you're so smart. Even if you're not half the time. Because, for the record, I am smarter than you." It seemed as if Ben was choking back tears.

"Ben, I.."

"Just forget it!" Ben sprinted off leaving Gwen as puzzled as ever. She stood there, wide-eyed with shock, gaping at Ben as he ran. After what seemed like five minutes, she turned and walked back to the RV.

Meanwhile, Ben had turned into XLR8 and was running as fast as he could out of the city. He soon found himself in a neighborhood, transformed back into his regular self. He sat on the corner of a sidewalk and wept.

"Stupid Gwen," he sobbed. "Stupid Grampa."

Once the Omnitrix recharged itself, Ben turned into Fourarms and began hitting mailboxes with last names that started with a G.

Gwen decided not to tell Grampa what happened with Ben. She was sure it would only cause more problems. Instead, she told him he was just freaked out to see them in the bedroom together. Grampa seemed to accept this explanation becauses he nodded and said "Maybe we should just keep it a secret."

Gwen was fond of the idea of a secret relationship, and then wondered what she would tell Ben. It was just a 'caught-in-the-moment' thing? It seemed reasonable. If only she knew where Ben was. She told Grampa she was going to go out for a while, and then set off to find Ben. It didn't take long to find him since he only ran in a straight line. She found him lying in front of a broken mailbox belonging to the Gaines family, crying.

"Ben?" she whispered comfortingly. "I'm really sorry, I was just caught up in the moment. It's over now." That wasn't completely a lie. She WAS caught up in the moment. Seconds before she kissed Grampa she was thinking how utterly wrong it was.

Ben looked up at her with red eyes, almost smiling. "R-really?"

Gwen nodded. "Really."

Ben quickly jumped up and said exuberantly, "LET'S GO TO THE ARCADE!" Gwen sighed and rolled her eyes but agreed to go anyways.

When they arrived at the arcade Gwen saw that the whole place was filled with DDR.

"Um, this whole place is filled with DDR," she said.

"I know," Ben answered with a huge girn.

"Weirdo," Gwen muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" snapped Ben.

"Nothing."

Ben and Gwen played DDR until Gwen's feet were covered in blisters.

"Ew, blisters," Ben observed insensitively.

"Shut up and carry me home," Gwen ordered.

"We don't have a home. We live in the RV, remember?"

"Whatever."

Ben picked up Gwen and carried her home. Ben gazed lovingly into Gwen's eyes the whole way to the RV, almost running into everything in front of him. Gwen shuddered. When they arrived Ben put down Gwen and held her hand.

"Gwen, can I tell you something?" he asked.

Here we go again, she sighed. "What is it?"

"I need to tell you something."

"Yeah, I get it. What do you need to tell me?"

"I love you," he breathed.

"You already told me that," she complained.

"Yeah, well, now I want you to go out with me."

"Um..." she hesitated.

"Well?"

"Sure, why not. We're only cousins."

"YES!" Ben whooped. "Just don't tell Grampa. He'll think it's weird." He opened the door for her and then walked in after her.

"Hey, kids," Grampa greeted them. "What'd you guys do?"

"We were at the arcade," answered Gwen. "What were you up to?"

"Oh, just reading this book," he said, holding up a book whose title was 'How to Make More Money When You're Old.' Ben was suspicious of the casual behavior between the two, and imagined the book's title to be 'How to Make Your Ten Year Old Grandchild to Fall in Love With You and Make Your Other Ten Year Old Grandchild to Become Jealous.'

"I'M GOING TO BED!" Ben shouted. Gwen and Grampa watched with puzzled expressions as he laid on the floor where he was just standing and started falling asleep.

"I guess I should go to sleep too," said Gwen. She climbed onto the couch and quickly fell asleep. The day had tired her out.

Gwen dreamed a disturbing dream that night. First, Ben was coming after her with chainsaw in the shape of Grampa's head. Then, he transformed into Wildmutt and started licking her. When she woke up she found Ben on top of her licking her face.

"BEN!" she screamed. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

"Licking your face!" he exclaimed, as if it wasn't obvious.

"Get off!" she barked.

"What are you kids doing?" yelled Grampa from the front of the RV. He was getting ready to depart the city they were currently in.

"Well I'm li-" Ben started to explain, but Gwen put her hand over his mouth.

"Nothing. Are we leaving?"

"Yep," said Grampa. "We're leaving."

And he drove into the sunrise.


	2. Religious Differences

1

**CHAPTER 2: Religious Differences**

Gwen, Ben, and Grampa are on the road once again. Grampa is running on 100 cups of coffee and 50 pep pills.

"Grampa, I think you should cut down on the pep pills and coffee," Gwen advised.

"NEVER!" He shouted, and then gulped down another cup of coffee. Gwen sighed and returned to sit next to Ben at the table.

"So as I was saying, Gwennie, I'm celebrating Christmas," he said as she sat down.

"No freakin way! You got Christmas last year! No way am I getting stuck with frickin Kwanzaa again!"

"Oh, come on! A little Jewishness never hurt anyone!"

"Chanukah is the Jewish holiday, not Kwanzaa, retard. And anyways-"

"Gwen! Ben!" shouted Grampa. "If you guys don't stop arguing, I'll be celebrating your Easter Sundays!"

"Uh, Grampa..." said Gwen, "If that was meant as a death threat, aside from being really obscure, it's misleading. Jesus was resurrected on Easter, not killed. Perhaps you meant Maundy Thursday?"

"Oh, shut up. Go celebrate Kwanzaa, you Jewish Vixen."

"KWANZAA ISN'T JEWISH! AND NEITHER AM I!" Upset, Gwen jumped up and sat on the other side of the RV.

"Hahaha, nice try Gwen, but I can still talk to you from here," mocked Ben. Gwen pouted and turned the other way. Suddenly sympathetic, Ben frowned. He decided to cheer her up, so he walked over to Gwen and smiled at her. "Ok, ok. You can celebrate Chanukah if you want. I'll celebrate Christmas."

Gwen looked at him like he was retarded.

"You're retarded," she stated.

"Yes, but at least I'm not Jewish." Gwen picked up a fork and hurtled it at Ben's head. Ben quickly dodged out of the way and chuckled. "Now, now, Gwen."

"If you're going to say something else about me being Jewish, I'm throwing a knife at you." Ben frowned.

"You're no fun," he pouted, and stomped to the back of the RV. Gwen sighed. Ever since she started going out with Ben she felt miserable. She wished she could go to Grampa for comfort. In fact, she went to Grampa for comfort right after Ben stomped away.

"Grampa, I need to be comforted. I hate Ben, but he won't leave me alone."

"Wellyouknowwhatthat'sreallyreallyinterestingyouknowyoushouldtellmemorebutidon'tw

anttostoptalkingbecauseI'mafraidthatifIstoptalkingI'mgonnahaveaheartattackorsomethingofthatsortsoI'lljustquietlyhumdodododowhileyourtellingmeallaboutyourproblemsokayokaydodododododododododo..." Gwen was pretty sure all of that was said in 10 seconds. She told him more anyways, trying to avoid the 'dododos' droning in the background.

"Well, it's not that I hate Ben. Or that I don't want to hurt him, because I could beat him to a pulp if I felt like it. I just don't want him getting suspicious of us."

"WellyouknowwhatIwoulddoIwould..." Grampa pondered. Then he realized he stopped

talking. Sure enough, he had a heart attack.

"GRAMPA!" Gwen screeched. Ben burst out of the room he was crying in and rushed up to Gwen.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Grampa had a heart attack! AND WE'RE SWERVING OUT OF CONTROL!"


	3. Better Than Action Figures

1**CHAPTER 3: Better Than Action Figures**

The two cousins held on to each other and screamed at the top of their lungs as the RV swerved and crashed into a tree.

Gwen put her sweaty hand on the dashboard to steady herself. "Is everyone alright?" she asked. Ben shook his head and pointed to Grampa, who had spittle running down his chin. "Excluding Grampa?" she corrected. Ben nodded.

Gwen looked out the window and saw a huge alien being running towards the RV.

"Aw, crap," she mumbled. "Not again."

"KEVIN!" Ben shouted as the creature-who was indeed Kevin-stopped in front of the RV. "I thought you died on that alien ship in space!"

"How fucking retarded can you get?" said Kevin. "It's impossible for me to die as long as there are potential episodes I can star in! You didn't learn that the first two freaking times! But I'm not here to fight you..." he turned to Gwen.

Motherfucker, thought Gwen. This had better not be going where I think it's going.

"Gwen, I must confess. I've loved you since the very first moment I laid eyes on you!"

Shit.

"What the fuck you talking 'bout, beyotch!" shouted Ben. "Gwen's MY bitch!" Gwen punched him in the face. "Ow, ow, ok, ok, I'm the bitch, I'm the bitch!" Ben whimpered. "Geez, why are Jews so temperamental?"

He expected the first knife. He was completely taken by surprise by the next five.

"You know what, Ben? You're getting really annoying. So I think I'll just _kill you, _and take Gwen for myself!" Kevin laughed maniacally. He raised his diamond head hand, ready to punch Ben. Ben quickly transformed into Heatblast.

"Hah! Now I'm Heatblast!" exclaimed Ben.

"Um, good for you," said Kevin. He punched Ben in the stomach, grabbed him, and then threw him far into the forest.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittt," was all you could hear of Ben's fading voice. Gwen let out a sigh of relief. Then let out a groan of frustration once she remembered Kevin was also in love with her.

"Now, Gwen, it is obvious that I am also in love with you. And it's also obvious that you are also in love with me! So stop wasting time! Make out with me, NOW!" Kevin commanded. He grabbed Gwen's wrist and pulled her closer to him.

"Ew, stop trying to rape me."

"I'm not trying to rape you. If I was trying to rape you, I'd do this," Kevin said, and then started pulling down his pants.

"You don't wear pants."

"They're my rape pants. I only put them on if I'm about to start raping someone," explained Kevin.

"Aieeee!" cried Gwen. She punched Kevin in the face and ran toward Grampa. "Oh man, I almost forgot about Grampa. I hope he's okay."

When she reached Grampa she saw that he was unconscious.

"Grampa, wake up!" she said, and started shaking him, which, of course, is proper procedure for someone under cardiac arrest.

"Dang it! I don't have time for this!" she said. She dropped Grampa on the floor and ran out trying to find Ben.

"Wait up, honey!" said Kevin, trying to zip up his fly and run at the same time.

"Great, now I've gotta outrun the lunatic while trying to find the idiot!" panted Gwen. "Wait a minute...if Kevin has XLR8's legs, why hasn't he-"

"...Outrun you by now?" Finished Kevin, who had outrun Gwen while she was thinking and was now in front of her. "Hey, look! Naked pictures of me!" exclaimed Gwen.

"WHERE!" demanded Kevin, turning around. Gwen ran past him. She found Ben sitting in a clearing in the forest, playing with rocks.

"Hehehe," he giggled. "They're like action figures!" Gwen ran over to him and hit him in the back of the head.

"Ben! Get up! We have to go help Grampa!"

"Aw, can we kiss first?"

"No! Ben, please hurry, Kevin will be here any second!" she pleaded.

"Oh, I see. Then I guess I'll just leave so you and Kevin can be alone!" Ben scowled. He turned away, transformed into XLR8, and ran out of the forest. Gwen just stood there and looked at him run with a puzzled, and disgusted expression.

"What the hell.." she mumbled. Suddenly Kevin appeared behind her, holding a bouquet of roses.

"I couldn't find any naked pictures," he explained, "but I did find these roses for you!"

"How did you find roses in a forest like this...? Whatever, just go away." Gwen started to walk off in the same direction Ben was headed, but then she had an idea. She turned back to Kevin and smiled sweetly, batting her eyelashes. "Oh, Kevin. My grandfather has just had a heart attack and I'm ever so worried. Would you mind if you ran me over to him, pretty please?"

"Um, what?"

Gwen sighed. "Run like hell so I can help my grampa."

"Oh! Okay!" Kevin grabbed Gwen and threw her on his back. She held on to him as he sped through the forest.


	4. Ben Overuses His Tear Ducts

1**CHAPTER 4: Ben Overuses His Tear Ducts**

Back at the RV, Gwen was stumped. She couldn't figure out how to get Grampa conscious again. "Can't you, like, zap him with electricity or something?" she asked Kevin.

"No. None of the aliens can shoot lightning or anything like that."

"Damn it! Ten aliens, and none of them can shoot electricity? What a waste!"

"But lightning is a plasma, and so is fire!" said Kevin, eager to please, and set the RV on fire.

"Nice one, retard! You set the RV on fire! I mean...is there anything else you can think of that would help him?"

"Hmm...well, I could use the part of me that's Upgrade, reach inside him, and pump his heart..."

"That sounds less destructive then your last idea. Go ahead and try it."

Kevin reached inside Grampa and squeezed every organ he found. After a while he found the heart and tightened his grip. Grampa's eyes popped open as he gasped.

"Grampa! Are you alright?" asked Gwen.

"I think...but it feels like someone tried to crush my lungs from the inside," Grampa wheezed.

Gwen shot Kevin a dirty look, who grinned. "Ok, now that I've helped you, you shall repay me by performing several acts of devious sexual intercourse with me!"

"Look! Panties!" said Gwen, and ran away while Kevin was looking. Gwen was running for about 10 minutes when she realized she had no where to run to. She headed back to the RV where Ben, Kevin, and Grampa were standing around and talking.

"Now," said Grampa, "what are we going to do about this burning RV?"

"Water!" yelled Ben.

"That's an okay idea, Ben, but I think we should get some water instead," suggested Kevin.

"That's a great idea Kevin!" Grampa exclaimed.

"But it was my idea.." sobbed Ben.

"Oh, Gwen, there you are. Go with Kevin and Ben to get some water from the river."

"How did you know there was a river in the forest?" asked Gwen suspiciously.

"Uh, um, that's not important. Now go!" Grampa ushered the kids into the forest. Gwen followed Kevin and Ben through the forest. They didn't seem to be getting anywhere so Gwen decided to say something.

"Guys, do you even know where this river is?"

"Sure it's...over there."

"Where's over– wait a second. Kevin, are you..are you wearing my panties?" Kevin blushed and nodded. "Oh, god."

"Hey guys! Over here, I found it!" Ben called. Gwen expected to see a rushing river, but all she saw was a little muddy stream.

"This is the river?"

"Yup!" Ben started filling up the buckets with muddy water, which was actually just watery mud.

"Well, I guess this will work too."

Suddenly and out of nowhere, Vilgax's spaceship landed in the forest, crushing the trees under it. The doorway opened and a stairway extended onto the ground. Vilgax descended from it.


	5. Seung Mina Is Not an Option

1**CHAPTER 5: Seung Mina Is Not an Option**

"VILGAX?" Ben shouted. "We thought you was dead!"

"Evil never dies, young and impertinent one," said Vilgax. "However, I have not come to destroy you. I am here to profess my love to the red-headed one."

"Good lord!" exclaimed Gwen, who was getting quite tired of having people and aliens professing their love for her. "Why don't you make yourself useful and put out the fire that's currently consuming our RV?"

"Of course, beautiful one," Vilgax replied. "Lead me to the vehicle."

Back at the RV, Grampa was having absolutely no luck trying to blow the fire out. He also tried fanning it, but that actually seemed to make it worse. He tried the fire extinguisher, but he aimed the wrong way and sprayed himself in the face. He was still wiping his eyes when the group returned.

"VILGAX?" Grampa shouted. "We thought you was dead!"

"Evil never dies, old and impertinent one," said Vilgax. "However, I have not come to destroy you. I am here to profess my-"

"Shut up and put the fire out!" Gwen interrupted.

"Certainly, my love. But how?"

"I don't know...we were trying to get water but it was more like mud..."

"Hey, where's the bathroom?" Kevin interrupted. "I got to go bad."

"In the back of the RV, which is currently on fire," Gwen said.

"Thanks," said Kevin, who ran into the flaming RV.

"Niiiiiiice," said Gwen. "But anyways, how are we gonna-"

"Uh, Gwen?" Kevin interrupted again. "I accidentally flushed your panties down the toilet and it overflowed..."

Indeed it had. Water flowed throughout the RV and engulfed the flames. "Wow," said Gwen. "Your stupidity solved the problem it caused!"

"Wait a minute," said Ben. "How the fuck is there running water in an RV?"

"Silence, foolish one!" commanded Vilgax. "Do not waste our time asking such idiotic questions."

"Now there's just the issue of which one of us gets Gwen," Ben said.

"Wait-what?" said Grampa. "You guys are all in love with Gwen?"

"Well, she is the only recurring female character on the show," explained Kevin. "And I'm sure as hell not gonna go gay for some dickwad like him." He pointed at Ben.

"Yeah, totally! Hey, wait a minute!" said Ben.

"Agreed. But how to settle this dispute..." pondered Vilgax.

"There's only one way to settle it!" Ben declared. "Grampa, Kevin, and Vilgax- I challenge y'all to a Xiaolin Showdown!"

"Shut up, irrational one! The only way to settle it is in a to-the-death battle!" said Vilgax.

"Death match is fine with me," Kevin said.

"Wait a minute!" shouted Grampa. "We're only thinking about settling it amongst ourselves-but why not just ask Gwen which one she wants to be with?"

Everyone thought about this for a moment.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me!" yelled Kevin. "I'm not gonna do that! She won't pick me because she hates me! That's not fair!"

"Likewise, I am mortal enemies with the entire Tennyson family, and most likely not to be picked willingly by her," admitted Vilgax.

"You have to admit, Grampa, that's pretty lame," said Ben. "Even though I'd get picked for sure. Let's have an eating contest!"

"Yeah, right! Let's have a Kick Ben's Ass contest!" Kevin suggested.

"No! A torture contest!" Vilgax cried.

"A crying contest!" Ben sobbed.

"DDR contest!"

"Who can kill the most people contest!"

"Soul Caliber II contest! I call Heihachi!"

"I call Seung Mina!"

"No way! You can't be Seung Mina! She's an extra character!"

"WILL ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Gwen screamed. All of them shut the fuck up. "I've decided..."


	6. Didn't See That One Coming, Did Ya?

1**CHAPTER 6**: **Didn't See That One Coming, Did Ya?**

The four males leaned forward attentively.

"..that I'm a lesbian."

Grampa's jaw dropped open. Kevin muttered a stream of obscenities. Vilgax was frozen in shock. Ben started crying.

"And that I'm going out with Tiny." Tiny strolled out from behind a tree.

"I have found a new new partner now!" she proclaimed. She put Gwen on her shoulder and ran into the forest.

"Damn..." said Ben, wiping his eyes. "I CALL KEVIN!" He latched onto the belt loop of Kevin's rape pants.

"Lol!" said Kevin, pointing at Grampa. "You get stuck with your mortal enemy!"

"Fuck!" said Grampa. "I guess we better declare a truce if we ever want this relationship to go anywhere."

"I agree, though I completely despise you." Vilgax narrowed his eyes at Grampa.

Meanwhile, in a spaceship many light-years away, a certain giant floating brain shook his head and said, "Man, I have got to get onto a show with more girls."


End file.
